I have never seen so many corn dog stands in my life

Ok so tonight I escaped the big city of Clinton and headed about 30 miles away to Sedalia for the Missouri State Fair. I should stop here and say that state fairs have always been a part of my life. My family had good friends that ran a place called the Original Meatball Factory at the Oklahoma State Fair for years. I have never had Italian sausage sandwiches or meatballs like those people made and I probably never will again. Having just been to the NJ state fair (a total and complete waste of time) I figured the weather was cooler, the grass had probably grown all it was going to in Clinton for the day, and I could see pretty much anything I could imagine at a fair. As Bill Engvall says "I saw people wearing clothes I wouldn't wear to pick dog mess up from the yard"

Upon parking about 2 miles away from the "new and improved entrance gate" I paid my five dollars and headed into the fair. $5 after 5pm - a bargain indeed. I thought of  Bill Engvall's advice about Spa's and cases of smiling rocks as I went in - I think this was the fair he was talking about by the way. I saw both.

The Missouri state fair is actually much nicer than the NY state fair or the NJ State fair but aside from cotton candy, snow cones, ice cream, and funnel cakes that are a basic part of the crap you eat at a state fair, I literally have never seen so many corn dog stands in my life. It was like the Missouri State Fair celebrates the year of the Corndog. (is it the year of the corn dog? I have not checked my Chinese calendar in awhile)  I mean every booth sold corndogs. ALL OF THEM. here is an example of one of probably 100.

At any rate I wasn't really hungry for the fine food that the fair was offering so I moved on. The one thing this fair had that the NJ state fair did not have was buildings. Where the same mops, eye glass cleaner, dusters, steam irons, massage pillows, culligan water people, those people with the three doors you look in to see what happens when Jesus comes ( they really need a better scenic artist PS to drive home those images), pots and pans, jewelry cleaner and other assorted crap you don't need but buy by the bag full because you are at a state fair. I almost bought the worlds strongest glue, it is made by the Germans. When I think of the German people I think of bratwurst, beer and October fest. However, I do not think of their bratwurst filled belly's and beer steins full at laboratories making the worlds best glue called "the last glue you will ever need" - nope moving on. I also almost purchased a bottle of basically purple Windex that would keep my ceiling fan dust free for 6 months. I figure the dust will fly off the fan and land of something else so I would miss the benefit of my 5 blade dust catcher. - I passed even though the sales lady was insistent that I could not live without this product.

I rounded the corner into the next building and found the largest watermelon and pumpkin in Missouri. (fruit and gourd on some serious steroids here folks.)

The pumpkin to the left would probably make a mean batch of pumpkin pies or could dress up and be the Great Pumpkin in a Charlie Brown stage show. I cannot think of what you would do with a 108 lb watermelon.

 After seeing the big fruit and gourd I decided to head over to the midway to try and find some type of water shooting game to win mom a nice stuffed animal that she probably would not want. She doesn't like to collect things that collect dust. So her luck held or the water bill was to high at the fair or something because there were no water shooting games to be had. -- you will note the picture at the left proclaiming "THE GREATEST CARNIVAL ON EARTH" I say nay nay.

I followed the advice of Lil' Pardner and measured up for Fun and Safety. I got a weird look from the lady peddling over priced paper tickets for rides held together with everything but the bolts they came with. Maybe she was just jealous she had to work and I could ride the rides. I was as tall as Lil Pardner's eyes. I refuse to ride rides that are packed in trucks and hauled around from state to state. I swear they cannot be safe. Oh by the way :Lil Pardner also warns kids to mind their parents, pay attention to ride operators, and several other things that kids don't pay any attention to what-so-ever.




So that about completes my tour of the fair. I left without a spa or without a case of smiling rocks for the garden. I didn't see any blow guns for the little ones with paper targets, but I bet I just missed it. It has been hot in Missouri and I did not feel the need to see livestock kept in hot barns since the fair opened. So I headed back out into the parking lot to find the car and return to the non stop excitement of Clinton on a Monday night. I made it back just in time to grab a sonic slush before they closed so all in all not a bad way to end the day.

Lesson Learned 8/16/10 - The fair was much more fun as a kid